Written for Kali By: Anna-Thea is a author and Divine Feminine Educator. She educates women on how to reclaim their bodies as sacred. If you would like to find out more about her teachings and online course please visit www.annathea.org.

Do you believe sex is only for men’s gratification? The idea of talking about women’s pleasure and women being sexually interested has been taboo in the past. Outercourse can change this. In this article, we want to introduce you to a new and important concept… Outercourse.

Do you think of “having sex” as intercourse? It’s time for us to change our beliefs about what having sex is all about. We need to balance Intercourse with Outercourse. But the word Outercourse hasn’t even been in the Webster dictionary!

What is Outercourse?

#1. Outercourse is not goal oriented.

Men and women have different sexual needs. Men have shown us the physical side of sexuality. It’s up to you, as women, to learn, educate, and express the more subtle, sensual, and even spiritual side of sexuality…especially if you want to have a fulfilling sex life. Outercourse is part of standing up for you Yoni. Outercourse is physical, but it’s based on connection and presence. It’s not goal oriented or orgasm focused. It’s pleasure and presence focused.

#2. Outercourse isn’t just cuddling and foreplay.

You might think outercourse is getting your foreplay and cuddling needs met. However, the version of outercourse I teach is “holding space” for someone’s sexual energy through conscious healing touch. One person is the giver and the other the receiver. It doesn’t switch back and forth. In this way, the receiver can fully open and experience their sexuality without worrying about the other’s gratification.

You can switch the direction of who is the receiver and who is the giver, but not in a given session. The total focus is on one person. All the love, touch, presence, and connection go to that person. This is a powerful experience due to the extra time and attention given.

This type of outercourse creates a safe space for the receiver to open up sexually. It creates an environment for true intimacy. The effects can be profound. It gives a couple a better way to get to know each other’s sexual needs. There’s no pressure and no agenda to have an orgasm. When you hold space for someone’s sexuality, it gives the receiver a whole new way to experience their sexuality. Lots of healing can take place.

Because sex has been intercourse focused, women’s needs haven’t been addressed. We have been brought into a man’s world of sexuality. It’s time to balance that.

6 Examples of Imbalanced Sexual Expression:

Have you experienced any of the following? 

  • You worked all day and just wants to sleep, but are faced with sexual duty.
  • You just want to cuddle, but avoid it because you know it will only lead to sex.
  • You made your vibrator your best friend because you want to come as easily as your male partner.
  • You give in against your better judgment, give into the pressure, and go all the way because you think you have to.
  • You think you are a tease if you don’t go all the way.
  • You thinks it’s your duty to have sex with your significant other.

What’s wrong with these examples? It’s misappropriated sexual energy! Sex has become intercourse focused and goal oriented. We are a get it up, get it in, and get it off culture.

Intercourse doesn’t offer enough clitoral stimulation for most of us to have orgasms.

The majority of women do not have orgasms from intercourse. They need additional stimulation. Nonetheless… women are very orgasmic, and the female body is designed for pleasure. We just need to balance Intercourse with Outercourse. You see, the problem is your pleasure as a woman hasn’t been important in our culture. There is an inherent feeling that your needs don’t matter. This doesn’t create an environment for you to feel open and receptive during sex.

Outercourse will create the environment you need.


  • Feeling uninhibited to ask for what you need sexually
  • No longer compromising your body or your needs to protect a man’s ego
  • No longer masculinizing your sexuality to try and orgasm as easily as a man
  • No longer accommodating another’s sexual needs at your own expense. You don’t need to do that. Your pleasure is more important and plays a crucial role in your happiness.

When you learn this healing form of Outercourse, you can show your man. In order to show him these “divine feminine sexual ways,” you must first learn them yourself. Once you do you can take a man into YOUR world. Orienting him into sacred heart centered sexuality, the importance of slowing down and being present. Same sex partners can also do this practice. It’s for everyone who wants to feel more sexually whole.

It’s a big job, but your happiness is dependent upon it. Learn the healing arts of Outercourse beyond just cuddling and foreplay. Let’s get outercourse on the map. We need your support, your love, and your participation. I want to teach you how to get off your backs and off all fours. I want you to experience the intimacy, connection, and pleasure you’re longing for. Learn how to sit up in your authentic feminine confidence and invite your man to have Sexual Energy Exchanges and Outercourse with you.

Written By: Anna-Thea is a author and Divine Feminine Educator. She educates women on how to reclaim their bodies as sacred. If you would like to find out more about her teachings and online course please visit www.annathea.org.