We have all gone through painful sex ruts. It’s important to start slowly when trying to move out of one. First, think about what is causing the rut? It sounds silly, but maybe even journal about it. Is it emotional? Does your period have you down? Did something happen that hurt your partner’s feelings? It is stress? Are you both really tired at night?
Try setting up a date night with your partner. There is something to be said about getting dressed up and having a few glasses of wine that can bring back the chemistry between two people. You can try taking your significant other back to one of the places you went to when you were first dating. You could play the game 20 questions and focus your questions on some of your hottest memories. Ask sexual questions or questions about your attraction for each other. Make sure you are both focused on each other without distractions of day-to-day life. Here are a few examples of questions for you:
- What is something that I could do in the bedroom that would really turn you on?
- What could I wear for you that would make you want to rip off my clothes at dinner?
- What public place would you want to do a risky sexual act? What would that sexual act be?
- What is a sexual fantasy of yours?
- If I were to kiss you all over your body slowly, how long could you wait to undress me?
- If I had to keep 2 items of clothing on my body during sex that would turn you on, what would they be?
- When was the last time you had a hard time keeping yourself sexually restrained with me?.
- What is the most sensitive spot on your body?
Couples who do activities like these on a weekly basis have proven to reconnect successfully with each other. It’s important to rebuild your intimacy. Once it’s established again, there are so many fun things you can do to keep that connection going such as:
- Visit a sex toy shop and pick out a toy to try together.
- Talk about your fantasies and act them out. Each one of you can pick one a month.
- Visit a lingerie shop together. Let him pick a few things for you and pick one. Don’t let him see what you picked until you get home to showcase it.
- Play X marks the spot. You pick a spot on your body and have him guess what it is by kissing you all over. When he gets it right, switch places.
- Play a game of Truth or Dare together.
- Pick a public place to have sex. The bathroom in the Standard Hotel in NYC is a great place to start.
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